As we approach the holidays, my heart feels drawn towards both love and loss.
Life is filled with duality. For us to have highs, we have to have lows. For us to have the butterflies of love, we have to be willing to feel the sinking hole of heartache. To have success, we have to be willing to feel the disappointment of failure. There’s juxtaposition between them, and what feels like a pressure to choose.
For me, being away from family and friends has gotten heavier this month. As I prepare for the holidays, there’s a new loneliness that I haven’t ever felt before. And so here I sit, allowing myself to feel loneliness, even in the presence of those I love.
This has been a part of my holiday experience for several years now. I’ve taught myself that I can feel the pressure of making the magic of the holidays while also seeing the magic. I’ve learned to make both feelings right.
You don’t only see this during the holidays. You’ll notice this duality in your relationships with your spouse, your kids, and even yourself. You’ll notice it at work, in your dieting, really anywhere you look.
Our brains categorize our experiences into good or bad as an attempt to make sense of the world. In our minds birth, growth, good health, joy, and success compete against death, aging, pain, despair, and failure.
Our thinking defines events as good or bad and makes us feel as if the two are separate. But as we all know, the universe does not operate in isolation. If you aren’t willing to experience the bad, you aren’t willing to seek the good.
Fear of heartbreak stops us from seeking love. Fear of failure stops us from achieving success. Fear of anger stops us from speaking up to be seen.
Life is not all good and the thought that it should be makes it harder, almost intolerable.
We see images of love and happiness and think we are missing it. In reality, we often have it and aren’t focusing on it. Our energy lies in pushing away the “bad” feelings, thinking we have to choose.
As you approach this season, I encourage you to allow both. Embrace both, knowing that one without the other is meaningless. The journey towards the good often presents the risk of the bad.
This art of allowing what is will set you free of expectation and disappointment when that’s not met.
This holiday season, embrace what is. You can be tired and sad and also have joy and gratitude. You can love your kids and your spouse and also need time alone. You can grieve and also feel connection.
Can you trust both?